'standard' isnt that standard after all

Contemplation of the regulation on a piece of paper seems to pull out the soul off of me. It's nothing to be worried about, yet something to bear in mind that people need an easy life rather than a stupid simple life. That's what he, the big-fat-ass-ugly asr lecturer once said. smart people around me seems dont take that much affection on my struggling days facing the day of judgement, which was quite screwed. Hours had been spent, 'words' have said too much, no more tears to be shed. 5 simple questions yet deep and complicated seems to take my soul away little-by-little as i'm struggling and dragging myself into this. the nitty-gritty of standard itself brought up to an enigma which impugn the true meaning of standard.

Struggling on a piece of paper to save up the possibility to pass one subject had been such a torturing moment for us, denise and liying. We've been dragging ourselves into somekind of endless excruciating world where we couldn't even see the entrance. Am I being too dramatic?? Maybe yes in some kind of way, but do people usually cry? do people usually babelling on what has come for them? yes they do. And it is not something that I do just to encourage myself to believe that the world is unfair, which i usually do, yet it's just something to do with the exemplifying of being on the verge of breaking down.

Procrastination might be one of the biggest issue here, as I'm mastering it. Days pass through along with the responsibility as a student, yet I haven't score much for myself on it. Thought it will be easy for me to get through, yet the hope seems to fading away. It's true when regret comes at last. Isn't it nuisance to know the fact that you are basically just hopeless on a point where you are close enough to dissapoint people who really count on you, who put their hopes on you? Maybe it's wise enough for not hoping or give hopes unrestrainedly....

I know that I'm being over-reacted, yet this things seems to killing me. Facing the "news-flash" when it is close enough to see that you are going to fail it's scary. Know that I've been pushing myself to stand tall and face it for I have the guts to take it at the first place, makes me feel so intimidated by my own thoughts. and yep reality bites. You always thought that things come easy on you, and you just can't accept the facts that shit does happen. It seems I'm playing another cinderella on my own, and when the time strikes midnight, it welcomes me to face the harsh real world.

I know I've been a whiney and a complete brat, who always expect things come easy on me. But who doesn't??? )):