PMS = Psychotic Mood Sinks.. whatever that means, but it's a nerve-wrecking! I've been like in a cranky-grumpy attitude all day long. Felt like turn myself into somekind of old-menopause bitch who hasn't had any sex for century! if you know how it feels, slap me hard - I really need to get myself in center!
My brain doesn't functioning well. Thought it's kinda a numbness-symptoms that wallop me into pieces as I'm ruptured by the sense of solitude night, added up by missing things which consume you hard enough til' you barely even breathing.
Jibbering, as what I'm doing right now, might be the sole remedy for my hideous-forlorn night. Isn't that pathetic?
I know. Life's a BITCH for you to confront with, but this is definitely something that you have to deal for the rest of your pathethic life, isnt it? Sounds nasty, eh?
It's hard enough as it is. Not willing to explore how bad could the pain will be by adding up the real pain to my whole body, couldn't my day be any worse?!!?! My neck and my back, they're all killing me like crazy. Cramp all over my body just truly make my day.
yea, whatever...... Probably that's the most suitable word for what I've been thru today. Is this the feeling of loneliness or is this the feeling of rigidity to keep myself not missing him???? How hard could it be to actually kept yourself from gone astray? Hard enough baby..
Wednesday 20 February 2008
It's been a while since my last blog ever.. right? Life has been quite cranky and wonderful at the same time.. Not to be mentioned that I start to hate my job and I failed the accounting subjects which caused me "International Student at Academic Risk". Isn't it horrible????
And I will be stupid enough if I dont drop my accounting, which I did! I changed the major to marketing, which hopefully will be more fun... *fingers cross*
NEWSFLASH:
The epiphany of harsh reality which actually brings more happiness in my life, has been constructed my emotion-degradation lately. To know that you had spent most of your precious time with someone which wasnt worth while, brings you heaps of joy and excitement as you find the new one.. He's my new excitement! (((:
....and this is how the story goes (I officially announced to make this new relationship publicly-known)
I dont believe in things called "Coincidence" when things, somehow, are just made up to be that way. I believe myself in FATE. Two strangers out of nowhere, with a whole different range of mates and dates, not even a clue of who was she/he, end up to be together as a friend, close friend, no-string-attached partner, and of course, boyfriend-girlfriend. Now you believe in faith?? I DO...
A gig, most likely to be a perfect "match-making" world for those who are single. But in fact, I was quite unavailable as most of you know.. "The slot has been taken"! But still, it doesn't close up the possibilty for you to meet up or even to exchange phone number with those bloke with a cutey-tushy. (((: I know it sounds horrible, but the hell with it! And I think it's quite normal for you to actually adore someone else when you're with someone else.. I'm only HUMAN darling..
And there's this guy, with the most exageratted-outfit, the most eye-striking-hair-do I've ever seen in my entire life. (I found him quite amusing.. and it kinda strike me). But there wasn't even a lil-drop of thoughts or the smallest part of me willing to know him or whatsoever. But yeah, it was FATE who actually brought me to him. Oh wait a minute.. it wasn't FATE, it was JESSICA! rofl. (I know my jokes are dry, but at least laugh on it. or FAKE it!)
This Jessica girl, I wasn't actually looking at her, inspite the fact that I was ,strongly agree, staring blankly like a stoned mullet at her friend who actually the guy with the exageratted-outfit, the most eye-striking-hair-do. Let's just call him "The-striking-guy". Anyways, yep I wasn't looking at her, but the guy was standing right behind her, so it might make my eyes pointed directly at her... So there she was, throwing me her friendly smile, which caught me into attention, so yea... I smiled back at her (I'm friendly, you KNOW!!!). She offered her hands, and shouted her name out loud, and fortunately I heard it and quite remembered it. And I shouted my name back.... Well I'm not sure that she heard it. And then we just split-up.
The second phase, I bumped into her again. And yeah she smiled at me again, either it's because she's friendly or in fact that I was actually half drunk and couldn't possibly keep my mouth shut and felt so hyper that kept me smilling, so she kinda forced to smile. Who knows honey..! After a while, maybe she kinda realized that I'm actually keep on staring at "The-striking-guy". Then she literally dragged "The-striking-guy" to me and introduced me to him... and I was like. "Wow, she can read my mind or did I say it out loud??". I was quite drunk to actually remember his name or even to hear his voice. So whatever, good luck with it!.......
The third phase, I couldn't even possibly stand on my on feet where I need Liying to be my guidance to the bar, to the toilet, or even to recognize people from uni. But I just kept wondering, why on earth would I be able to recognize "The-striking-guy" where there was time where I didn't actually recognized my boyfriend.. (Ooops. my EX-Boyfriend). It's kinda a thrill, wasn't it? So I braven up myself to ask for a picture with him. I forgot his name, so I tapped on his shoulder and practically mimic-ing my mouth for a word "PHOTO" and "PICTURE" with all those hands motion. And he was like.. "Ok.. Yeaa..!"
Wait a second.. I might have the picture! Hold on....
There it goes. Everytime I look at this picture, I was like "Hello stranger, who the heck are you?" lol.
But who cares anyway.!....
After the helluva party, I don't have any thoughts to actually know this guy. But, miraculously, (I'd say that..) it happened. I was browsing thru' friendster when all of sudden I saw a thumbnail of someone else's profile which has a quite similar colours with all the photos that I took from the party at the previous night. So I thought it might be someone that I could possibly met at the party. And there it was, the profile of "The-striking-guy" who has a name of "Reynaldo Vircansa Chairul"..... It's a typical me, eventho' I do not know who the hell he was, I kept adding him for my fs anyways. What I thought is, "I met you and we introduced ourself.. So whether you remember or not, I dont care! i'll add you anyway! (((:" I know.. weird me!
After few days, there's a msg from this guy. Asking me.. "hi, do I know you? Have we met before? You look familiar." And I was like, in my own thoughts. "Hell yea mister. Cant you see on my photos. You're there!"...but it didn't come out that way when I replied his msg. "Yep we met before. At the party at Docks Hotel..."
And there where all the things start!
We exchange our msn address.. chatting all night long. Talking about silly stuff which wasnt quite important yet couldnt get us to stop eventho it's LATE! And it continues for a while. But still I havent realize the spark that I like him. Well in fact, I was still with my EX and I remembered he's in a relationship with someone else. It dissapointed me a lil bit, but "Oh..well!".
It continues for months and months....
And it's just exploded on NYE!.. My EX left me behind on NYE to Melbourne to, frankly, met up with his "SEPHIA".. (for those who doesn't know what "sephia" means.. It's actually the "OTHER" girl!). What a bastard!!!!
So I joined up Edo for the NYE.
We went out to a bar, called ....... (hmmm I forgot!). We spent hours there.. We drank 5 different drinks, and the last one was horrible. It has Red Bull in it! I CANT TAKE RED BULL! It's just a horrible feeling, because the next thing you know, I couldnt breathe properly, and my heart beats so fast like it wanna drop off! Anyways, it was almost 4 in the morning where I have to catch a flight on 7 in the morning, so I only had 3 hours left. I was practically walk fast to the bus stop with Edo and Ronald (One of his friends that went out that night..). And I just couldn't find the bus, since there wasn't any bus to my place after 2 o'clock in the fucking morning on NYE!.. How great could that be!..
So Edo was offering himself to come along with me on the bus just to drop me home. Which he didn't because I refused the offer. That's when I realized that I kinda like him. But, I was still in denial! (((:
After the CNY, I went to Melbourne to catched up my Ex, which I believe now it's a fucking mistake.. Because I believe if I didn't go there I will have more time with Edo. hihi.. No matter how far we're apart, "unintentionly" I kept on msging him while I was away, and most likely to report stuff to him of what I've been doing and so on and so on.
Earlier on NYE, I asked him to accompany me to UTS to take care of my summer course withdrawal. He told me that UTS might close due to the New Year. But I wasn't quite sure, so I gave it a try. He was actually like 100% sure that it might close, but he didn't convince me about it just to got out with me.. (Naughty you!).. Apparently yea.. It was CLOSED!
It's quite a complicated and a long story. So a whole page won't be enough for me to tell you in details of what's going on before me and edo are bf-gf!
We went out quite a lot after New Year, we held hands, we kissed (which wasn't appropriate. But the hell with it!)..
I've been cheated on twice, so let's call it EVEN ladies and gentleman!
It was quite a thrill, and yep baby, "You're my new excitement!"...
And it's officially announced, we tied the knot on 23rd January 2008! (fyi.. no doves to be released and no bouquet to be thrown! ok?? ...)
So yea.. The slot has been taken, officially, by Reynaldo Vircansa Chairul!
and the case closed!
...the end...
Wednesday 31 October 2007
Dull halloween
I had 10 kids knocking on the front door, dressed up as a witch, pirates, and some random characters which I dont think it's exist.. Well not all of them were kids, there was 1 man appears as a pirates which to me seems retarded rather than cute. However, it's exciting to really feel how halloween suppose to be spend. "Trick-or-treat??" I actually didn't really have the "halloween-preparation" , so it's kind of surprising when those kids knock on your door saying those a-must-words.
Totally have nothing to give to them, I decided to give them all my chewing gums which I dont know when is the expiry date. Hope they wont get the Montezuma's revenge a.k.a diarrhea ((: *finger cross* Sorry for the late confession.
The plans of close-to-nerdism-university-rookie seems out of reach. We (Denise, Liying, Michael,etc) was actually planned to have our own Halloween party or at least crash into other's party. Yet the outcome, we were sitting at home, do nothing, went online or even blogging (pathetic me), and stressing over our exam. Good for michael, finished all the friggin insearch and ready for a long hols.
Huff.. but......maybe we do have our halloween liying. The point of having halloween is actually to be scared, right? Well I am scared. Scared of the exams, on the 31st of October. We're having our halloween party!! lofl. huff. so frustrating. It seems hard to cheer up yourself. )):
Halloween suppose to be spend with friends, horror movies or parties. But none of it were done. No friends, no parties, no horror movies. Umph actually I did watch horror movie today, well a suppose-horror movie. Watched 1480 with steve, thought it was going to scare the hell out of us, yet it's just some kind of twisted-supernatural thingy, even the ghost more likely to look as the psycho on scream.
We did some kind of halloween-horror-movie in advance. It was last week on Sunday, at Liying's house when her sister wasn't there. We watched the Ammityville Horror and it's based on a true story. It's kinda creepy, not to mention what happened. (i'll just keep it for myself...) But we did having fun.
Did I actually say fun AGAIN??? ok, I should stop exageratting my dullness-halloween day by making it sounds so excited and FUN. (:
Tuesday 30 October 2007
'standard' isnt that standard after all
Contemplation of the regulation on a piece of paper seems to pull out the soul off of me. It's nothing to be worried about, yet something to bear in mind that people need an easy life rather than a stupid simple life. That's what he, the big-fat-ass-ugly asr lecturer once said. smart people around me seems dont take that much affection on my struggling days facing the day of judgement, which was quite screwed. Hours had been spent, 'words' have said too much, no more tears to be shed. 5 simple questions yet deep and complicated seems to take my soul away little-by-little as i'm struggling and dragging myself into this. the nitty-gritty of standard itself brought up to an enigma which impugn the true meaning of standard.
Struggling on a piece of paper to save up the possibility to pass one subject had been such a torturing moment for us, denise and liying. We've been dragging ourselves into somekind of endless excruciating world where we couldn't even see the entrance. Am I being too dramatic?? Maybe yes in some kind of way, but do people usually cry? do people usually babelling on what has come for them? yes they do. And it is not something that I do just to encourage myself to believe that the world is unfair, which i usually do, yet it's just something to do with the exemplifying of being on the verge of breaking down.
Procrastination might be one of the biggest issue here, as I'm mastering it. Days pass through along with the responsibility as a student, yet I haven't score much for myself on it. Thought it will be easy for me to get through, yet the hope seems to fading away. It's true when regret comes at last. Isn't it nuisance to know the fact that you are basically just hopeless on a point where you are close enough to dissapoint people who really count on you, who put their hopes on you? Maybe it's wise enough for not hoping or give hopes unrestrainedly....
I know that I'm being over-reacted, yet this things seems to killing me. Facing the "news-flash" when it is close enough to see that you are going to fail it's scary. Know that I've been pushing myself to stand tall and face it for I have the guts to take it at the first place, makes me feel so intimidated by my own thoughts. and yep reality bites. You always thought that things come easy on you, and you just can't accept the facts that shit does happen. It seems I'm playing another cinderella on my own, and when the time strikes midnight, it welcomes me to face the harsh real world.
I know I've been a whiney and a complete brat, who always expect things come easy on me. But who doesn't??? )):
Thursday 18 October 2007
1st Anniversary Dinner
22 September 2007
It was the date of our anniversary. But it is unfortunate that we couldnt be together at that time. Steve was at Jakarta, while me stuck here at Sydney having my assignment. So yesterday was the payback time. We arranged a dinner at "China Doll", a restaurant which belongs to Steve's teacher. So we did get a VIP service.
At first they recommended us a list of cocktails... For 19 years I have never drink a martini, so yesterday was the perfect time for me to have one.. and such a coincidence, the waiter did recommended me to have a glass of Rose and Lemongrass Martini which is absolutely good! I saw the price, it was $13 per glass, but I do not care less, I ordered another one... As soon as I finished the second glass, I was ready to order the third glass, but Steve insist for me not to drink any of the martini after the second glass. Frankly speaking, I can feel the body heat, and it was suddenly became so hot. lol.
After such a wonderful martini, Steve ordered the entree which is Seafood Dumpling with Scallop. And it was soooo damn good! Even now, I'm drooling just to imagine how the food was last night..
For the main course, we ordered Crispy Pork Belly w Chilli Caramel & Nam Pla Phrik [whatever it is], it was good, but for me it was too salty. The pork and the sauce.. Yet taste good. But not as good as the dumpling!....
Besides that, we also ordered Penang Curry of Braised Wagu Beef Shin. This one taste so good. I love it. The meat was so soft, the sauce was spicy enough for me yet too spicy for Steve. lol.
After we finished our food, the waiter said that there's something for us. It's a Caramel Roasted Pears w Tiger Beer Ice Cream. You may think the Ice Cream might taste weird because of the beer, but trust me, you want it for more!!!
To be honest, yesterday was such an unforgetable moment. Inspite of it was our 1st Anniversary Dinner, but the restaurant, the food, the drinks, the service... It was all good. I can't wait for another martini there...
Kiama trip...
14 October 2007
We arrived at Windang beach, the sun was so glaring, yet I still felt cold from the wind. But after a while, I don't feel the cold anymore. I was covered with excitement. Pictures and more pictures! I love my new camera...... And the macroshot does look good, doesn't it???
All of us were playing at the beach, yet this lonely girl just sat there do nothing but taking pictures of her feet. Yep, I do agree I wont be able to beat her narcissm in any kind of level. :))
We decided to take a picture, the view there was sooooo amazing. I'll give you $1000 if you can find this kind of view at Jakarta. lol. The view was breathtaking. These are some last shot before we left Windang beach.
Right before we leave, this family caught my attention. The father is the surf-livesafer. He has 3 kids. two of them around the same age, and the other one is the youngest of all, which is super cute... They all trying to play a sand-surf. The bigger brothers were so excited to play and sometimes they argued for the board. But this youngest brother, he didn't seem to bother about the board or anything else. What he did was, he jumped off from the top of the sand, and landed with his face. lol. it was so funny!! I know it sounds harsh, but if you were there, you'll laugh your ass off. I had the video of them, but it's just too big. It's 12mb... Is there anyone know or have the software to compressed the video?? let me know if you do....
After the beach, we went to the lake nearby.. It is called Lake Illawara. The lake was shallow, there was a lot of small fish, and lots of jellyfish around. You do know what jellyfish is right?? Unless you are mike.. (he knows NOTHING)The lake was good and we took lots of pictures there.. Start from inside the lake itself, the docks around the lake, even between all those tall grasses which makes us looks like in the middle of jungle. lol. Enough with the talking, let the picture tells...
I never knew that my boyfriend, somehow, can be so narcist. Even more than me.. lol. Here's some of his pictures...
This guy, you dont have to ask about anything. I can assure you that he's 100% narcist!!for him, it took more than 10 pictures to get a perfect one. So steve spend almost half an hour just to take a couple of shot of this guy. lol.
But no one can beat the nature of our narcissm.. Even on our way to the car park, we managed to take this couple of jumping shot. And it took us like.... 5 mins to get the perfect one. It's in our BLOOD. We didn't even have to try so hard, it happened just like that!! (*fingersnap*)
Apparently the boys felt left behind. They tried to follow our style.. See how the outcomes are...
Steve didnt feel so satisfy of his jumping picture with Mike. He chose a solo career. See how it became.. Lmao! "Let's chased the little kid and do some kind of ballet move to make it more graceful"
From all of the stupidity there, Li Ying managed to make a "Piece of Nature"...She's so good at taking pictures. She knows which angle is the best and which shot suits for this and that.... She should be taking photography rather than accounting! lol. You cant shot numbers liying!! ;))
Left the Windang beach and Lake Illawara, headed to the Blow Hole... (Mike, it's the opposite of Blow JOB. :p). Last time I went here, I didnt have the chance to see the blow hole. Because that time, the day was "wind-less". But this time such a great timing to see the blow hole.. The wind blew so hard, and the waves were bigger than the one at Bondi. Anyway, maybe some of you dont know what blow hole is... Well it is a formation of rock above the see, and it has a hole in the middle of the formation. And the hole is the closest point to the water, so everytime the waves come, it burst out form the whole and make some kind of huge splash..
After blowhole, we decided to have our lunch there. We found place and started our picnic. We brought steak and salad. We ate for about an hour. We sat directly under the sun, so it was really hot, and i got a weird uneven tan on my leg! Hate it!!!! Luckily it's fading away now. But you still can see.!Lunch was over, time for PICTURESS!!! we took quite a lot of pictures here. And there was picture of Steve piggyback me. and Mike piggyback Steve and Me! how cool is that.. lol
Took off from blow hole, we headed to Wollongong to see the biggest temple which I forgot the name is. The temple was huge.. And these are some pictures at the temple. There were funny pictures here.. Me, Steve and Mike were pretending as a Kungfu master, and showing off our own style. [Mike - Wong Fei Hung; Denise - Eagle; Steve - Monkey style]
There were quite a number of a small kid statues outside the temples with varies of style. We decided to pick one of the statue and imitate the style.. Here's the pictures...
Moving forward, we went to another temple which has 5 different Buddha, with 5 different hand style.. and here we are trying to imitate the statues... :)))
BUDDHA BLESS YOU
On our way to car, since the temple closed already, Liying found her longlost friends.. The squirell was there holding a stick, and Liying couldn'e help herself but to join her friends. lol
We totally never give up the style.. We tried to do our jumping shot together. It was really hard, because everytime we tried to took with autoshot, the picture will always kind of weird. Sometimes we jumped too fast and too slow. Lucky these shots were good. Well not all of them, but at least one or two pictures.. Satisfy enough guys??? the answer is NO....
You might not be able to see the pictures clearly... Let me tell you what's going on...1. all of jumped except for Michael (dummy).. FAILED.
2. we were holding hand, and the picture snapped right before we jumped. FAILED.
3. it was successful but not with the style that STEVE wanted. And i hurt my arms!! Steve jumped too high, and got my hand pulled by him.
4. It was a great success, we got the style, and look at steve's style.. he's trying to do the egyptian style.. and managed to blocked my view.! idiot!!!
Wise man says : "Narcissm doesn't kill you! thou shall took more!!"
Done with our trip, we closed the day with dinner at Lowenbrau - The Rocks. There, they always perform a show which started at 8 p.m. every single day. They held a drinking competition, and also a dancing competition. It's not an ordinary dancing competition. You have to dance the German's national dance, the one with swapping hats from each other head. And it gets faster and faster.
Carried away by the show, we decided to order the beer ourselves. And steve ordered the food which is quite big. It was all PORK. Never know that GERMANY loves PORK. lol. There were, barbeque pork, pork sausages, pork knuckle. But it tasty and we LOVE pork.
And about the beer, Liying drank up the whole beer, followed by Mike Sparrow, and Steve.. from the picture itself you can tell how drunk he was. lol.
On our way back home, this Michael seems so hard to control himself for narcism.. So here's another scene for him! lol.
This is the end of the story, we were so exhausted and really need to sleep. So goodnight!